porno groove

So Nick asked me where I've been.

First of all, like everybody on the internet, I've been twittering. It seems like pretty much everyone has more or less abandoned their blogs as twitter has exploded in the last couple months. Frankly, it's nice to finally have an excuse for typing no more than a line or two.

Secondly, I just moved, so I didn't have internet access for a few days.

Here is the nighttime view from my new place:


Here is my new flatmate George:



I don't have a shot of the daytime view, but it includes the lake and the islands, and on a clear day I can see right across Lake Ontario to New York. That's right, my view is international. Jealous?

'Eh, Steve, Obama's here for lunch, where'd we put those seriously dumpy looking Mounties? Nevermind, I found them'

I like it to be noted that I ate the Pocky I got in my Christmas stocking from Siobhan for breakfast at 12:30 pm Monday, February 9, 2009.

My life is a shambles.

On the bright side (literally), it is gloriously sunny and my window is open. I think it might be spring already.

A Retraction

I've decided to remove my last post. I've done so because I allowed a few negative things to overshadow all the positive ones. Though I may not have been entirely wrong in my assessment, I certainly assessed with the wrong attitude.

Yes, it didn't all work out quite as planned, but it isn't fair to anyone, not even myself, to dwell on what could have been instead of making the best of a difficult situation.

Yes, I am still very upset with someone, but I'm willing to admit that perhaps I don't know the full story and that either way I chose a terrible way to vent my frustration.

And while I may have spent a far quieter birthday evening than I had hoped, I wasn't entirely alone.

I shouldn't have allowed anger or loneliness or depression or abandonment issues or whatever to outshine the efforts a lot of other people made to make me feel special. I shouldn't have so quickly forgotten a lovely pre-birthday meal with my roommates followed by a party with some great people I really don't see enough of, and a wonderful birthday dinner with my family, no matter how many other people didn't make it out, for whatever reason.

ShamWow!

So the holidays are over and I haven't written anything in a month and a half... so, yeah, that's a thing.

The tree is down and my apartment no longer looks like a crazy pakistani party bus. Life is returning to normal. Too bad normal is so fucking boring. Stupid winter.

I've had Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now" stuck in my head for a week. i'm pretty sure if it doesn't go away I'll soon become certifiably insane. Don't get me wrong, I love that song, but it's too much of a good thing. I don't know all of the words or even how the whole song goes so it's pretty much just the same part or two over and over and over and over and over and over.

I need a vacation. Please send me money.

inner city pressure

Living in the city can be a emotionally trying experience sometimes. Here are some things I find can make living in a big city difficult:

1. People who refuse to conform to my preconceived notions. Seriously, gay latinos? Weird and kinda gross. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of the gays and few people make better tamales than latinos, but the two mixed together pushes the envelope in a way that even my fairly liberal mind just isn't ready for yet.
   
2. Clueless tourists constantly asking for directions and shopping/restaurant recommendations. Get a compass and Fodor's Toronto, I'm not your free tour guide, bitch!
   
3. Parades. Big cities have parades like nobody's business. My route to work has been disrupted by a parade, marathon, charity walk or other nonsense every Sunday since time immemorial.
4. Homeless people cluttering up public spaces with their poverty and whatnot. Hey beardy, if I had spare change sitting around for drugs and alcohol I'd be saving that for the weekend.
   
5. Walking dick first into stuck subway turnstiles.

economic ACTION! plan

Times are rough. That, good sir, is a scientific fact. I've read somewhere that as a young person I'm statistically more likely to go though rough economic times than the general population, but that hasn't stopped me from amassing an astounding several hundred dollars (nearly). With these tips maybe you'll be able to live on easy street just like me, though technically I live on College street. "Living on easy street" is a popular expression that you may have heard before.

• Next time you are at your local salt market, walk right by the fleur de sel and the hawaiian black pearl salt. Times are tough, so you're pretty much going to have to give up all gourmet salts. Get some of that regular iodized stuff that poor people seem to love so much. Don't think, "ok I'll just get some kosher salt, Jews use it so it must be cheap." Guess what, it's not and you're an anti-semite.
• DIY. Do-it-yourself. This is more than just a money-saving tip, its a life philosophy. You'll be amazed at the things you can do for yourself and the money you can save with a little elbow grease. Make your own dinner, fix that leaky faucet yourself, get an at-home enema kit and cancel all those costly high-colonic spa appointments.
• Get a job. You might have to betray everything you are, but the money will be worth it. Neil Patrick Harris might be a total homo, musical theatre and all, but times are tough so he sucks it up (not literally) and goes to work everyday to play an absolutely unconvincing womanizer in his current piece of shit sitcom. I'm pretty sure the same thing applies to Charlie Sheen.
  
• Get a second job. Finding a way to turn what you like to do anyways into a little extra cash is a great idea. Whores have been doing it for years.
• If all else fails, become an illegal immigrant.
  

in a perfect world

chewing gum would last not just "long" but "forever". it would be like something out of willy wonka and the chocolate factory and we would all be violet beauregard, except that we would really be ourselves and not an annoying, slightly overweight american girl from the 70's. also the gum would release spores that caused a toxic mold to grow in our brains which slowly took control over our bodies. in short time all people in the world would be infected with this brain-control mold and we would all become huge sluts. when the takeover was complete there would be a large party at the playboy mansion to celebrate the occasion. humanity would be doomed forever to be the slaves of a real slutty paristic mold epidemic. and that is what would happen in a perfect world.

political party

for our election night celebrations we had some people over and I laid out an american feast. by the end of the night, my joy for obama's win was matched only by my certainty that I had developed diabetes and gout.

contents of dave's vomit: kentucky fried chicken, hot dogs, potato chips, rice-a-roni (the san francisco treat), sabor de soledad, budweiser, philadelphia cream cheese, jack daniels tennesee whiskey, new york cheese cake, apple pie, freedom fries (frozen, in bag), boston cream donuts. we also had a pizza, but none of the pineapple so key to making it hawaiian.

special shout out to my barack obama t-shirt and my desperate need for a hair cut.

now that there are no polls to read all day...

the america that would elect barack obama president is the america that I have sadly missed for eight long years. anti-american sentiment has run high in this country while bush 2 destroyed america's image. i held out though, admonishing my friends, collegues and classmates for suggesting that bush and his cronies reflect the american people or the true american spirit. today i feel vindicated. i feelp proud of my neighbours for making the choice that not only best serves america but the world as a whole.

i've followed this election with intensity. i've been consumed with election fever for months. i didn't even care about the canadian election which only took a relatively supersonic 6 weeks from start to end. sure, i voted but it didn't really seem like it mattered to me.

if democrats threaten to move to canada when the republican candidate wins, do canadians threaten to move the united states when democrats elect the most exciting figure in a generation president?